For a minute there I lost myself

I’ve been finding lots and lots of hidden anger, I say hidden cause I don’t remember being this angry in the past. I’m becoming unrecognizable and getting to a point where this is the bitterest I’ve been my whole life. My fear is that this is only the beginning.

Winter, I love it and everything that comes with it or at least I thought I did. So I live in LA, the traffic could be worse, you know like New York or worse Mexico City. But we only focus on what’s in front of us. So back to the point, it rained last night, lord knows we need all the rain we can get, I think it’s only the second time we get rain this winter.

What frustrates me is that as soon as it starts raining, no, no, no, before the first drop even hits the ground people forget how to fucking drive. There is no need to drive 10 mph! It rained last night not this morning! Oh, oh, and then the stupid lights went out so the street lights were not working. Why do a few drops of rain cause as much damage as a storm? I’m sitting here and complaining and whining, cause it’s what I’m good at.

Trying to get away from the stupid drivers I became one of them. I was going so fast I didn’t realize the light was red. When I realized it I didn’t even bother to break. Next I get stuck behind a stupid bus making a right turn. Finally I get to work and I drop my badge under my seat, mind you I need it to get in the parking lot. All of a sudden the table has turned, no I am the stupid one holding everyone up. I manage to get the stupid badge, get through the gate, and park. I’m so angry by this point that I just wanna cry, not knowing why this has cause me such a tremendous amount of anger.

I don’t know what’s going on. I can’t stand much lately and I don’t mean physically standing up. Everything insignificant irritates me, frustrates me, angers me. And then there are things that do matter and I don’t care about them.

There are days I just want to live in my bedroom forever. So far every day this week has been one of those days...